dear pagal

I 1st saw u in dec @ da beach.in a group of 10 or so guyz u stood out,i lykd u immdtly!dn't even knw y dat is buh datz hw our story begun.formally got intro'd 2 u @ da start of jan @ a netball game n u knw me as da midget crazy gurl,whch 4 sum reason ddn't bother me.it wsn't till da mid of jan dat i learnd u were m8z wif my lil sis,i was curious 2 knw y sum1 of ur age wuld b txtin my lil sis so i stole ur # 4m her fone n prntdd 2 b sum chick huz nickname was pinky!it wsn't long b4 u figured out hu i was thou,da 'u suck @ volleyball' clue 4 sure gave it away as i had loudly voiced my opinion of ur volleyball skillz @ da beach wen i 1st saw u.4m dis randum txtin convo v bcame 'hey-gudbye' m8z, 4 me dis start was enuf coz my weird mojo feelinz told me dat sum day soon v wuld mean preti much da wrld 2 each other.in btwn us gettin 2 knw each other my fam fell apart n my whle wrld got turnd upside dwn, i wsn't even legal yet n i had: 3jobz,fulltym skool duties,fam issues,n on top off all of dis i had our community goss 2 wori bout.i had very lil strngth left 4m evryfing i had been thru buh dis was my fam n i had 2 do evryfing 2 keep us alive n 2getha.my m8z had constntly been dur 4 me even wen dey had no idea wat i was goin thru buh i decided dat dis yr;our final yr of highskool dat i wuld let dem all live seprte livez 4m me so dat dey culd enjoy our last highskool momentz.so itz coz of dis decision i bcame close 2 u.i needd sum1 2 replce da hole in my heart i had created by isolatin myslf n u seemd a safe enuf bet.i slwly let u in,not knwin if i culd trust u 1stly since u were a guy (da very xistnce i h8d) buh 2ndly coz u were lankan.u took it all preti well,it must of cum as a shock 2 u 2 knw wat reali was hidden bhind my cheeky smile n childish laughtr buh i was surprised @ ur strngth.u got in2 my head n wen i was tlkin 2 u i was distrctd 4m da darkness dat surroundd me buh sumtymz even u weren't enuf n i strtd drinkin,partyin n jst bein plain stupid wif my lyf esp wen it came 2 da whle liver fing.it was round da mid of june wen u strtd bein a lil diff wif me n i realised dat even i was a lil diff wif u,dur were momentz btwn us n i was a lil worried 2 wea dis wuld lead.sept hit n still neither of us was willin 2 give in 1st n admit wat was goin on,my 18th b'day came round n my m8z met u 4 da 1st tym.dey knw me well enuf 2 read btwn da linez or in dis case da insltz i threw @ u,dey knw hw much u truly meant 2 me even thou i prbbly had given u other signalz.on da way home dey convincd me 2 tell u hw i felt so 4 da 1st tym in my lyf i did sumfing 4 me,sumfing dat i truly wantd,it turnd out 2 b a lot mure complic8d den i culd of imgnd n it resltd in our 1st fite!u admittd u felt da same buh also statd dat dis culd go nowea.dis went on til da strt of nov,u had uni xamz n i had my finalz.lyf @ dis point was preti shit 4 both of us n u tld me dat u were goin 2 da temple by urslf 2 pray n askd me if i had sumfing i wantd so dat u culd incld dat in ur prayerz,datz da 1st momnt in my lyf i fell 4 u.i had alwyz tld u i cared bout u buh u had neva reali xprssd hw much u cared until dat momnt,datz da 1st moment u got in2 my heart n it was in dat momnt i realisd i was doomd!lyf went on 4 both of us lyk dis all summer holz,fingz got a lil mure intnse wif da all da meetin up n fone callz.v tlkd 4 hrz bout all da lil fingz dat matterd n u finally began 2 trust me,i found myslf hopin dat i had gottn in2 ur heart 2.uni den strtd,it was da perfct xcuse 4 me 2 ctch a glimpse of u nearly evryday!dat thort was 1 of da 1st evry mrnin i got up!v met up randumly sumdayz,grabbd lunch or icecream,wlkd thru da park or jst loungd round in commnz.it was round dis tym da line in our frndshp was blurrd n neithr of us culd of guessd wat wuld hit us!finally i got sick of all da beatin round da bush so i apprchd da topic of us wif u gain in da 1st leta,u had ur usual answr:'yes buh no'.i was hurt buh i was a fightr n i wantd dis so bad so i kept pushin n evntually u strtd playin 2 my tune.dis was prbbly da biggst mistke i've ever made buh despite hw v hve turnd out i dn't regret it.i had u,even if it was onli 4 a few momentz.my heart brke in2 pieces wen i wlkd away 4m u buh i knw dat i had 2 do dis 4 ur sake,u ddn't hve da strngth 2 break my heart even thou u culdn't stay.da darkness u had kept 4m consumin me 4 da past yr or so finally caught up n i was so lost.i culdn't comprehnd wat had jst hppnd,i had gone in2 dis whle fing finkin dat u culdn't break sumfing dat was alrdy brken buh in da darkness i realised dat da mst imprtnt piece of my heart was missin n dat i culdn't b complete wifout it bck.i knw da onli way 2 mend my heart was 2 hve u bck,i went bout it in all da wrng wayz n finally u got sick of it n wlkd away.in dat momnt da lil gurl i kept hiddn inside of me brke,finally,she wept n wept 4 all she had lost in her lyf!my dayz ddn't seem da same wifout u buh i was willin 2 blck out da pain so dat i culd b dur 4 all da gurlz i luvd.i riskd so much 2 hve u buh da brken heart u left bhind bought bck da old"nuke guyz" part of me.xamz hit 4 both of us n v had barely had a conversation in monthz n it was round dis tym dat my blockin hw i feel powerz ran out!hw much i missd u,not as da guy i fell in luv wif buh as my frnd hit me n i fukd up my xamz!da holz came bout n i knw i had 2 sort out my head n try 2 mend my heart.da distnce btwn us got lnger n lnger n it hurt so much buh i knw deep dwn dat dis was a gud fing 4 both of us.i rote u da 3rd n final leta in da holz,i told u y i tuk dis whle fing hard!i felt lyk u had betryd n used me despite knwin hw i felt bout da wrld esp guyz n finally i was ready 2 put dis whle fing bhind me!it had been months since v have had a face 2 face convo n it had been preti much a month or so since i had seen u.2nd sem strtd n on da 1st day bck i ran in2 u,i was smooth as i culd hve been buh even thou da woundz had heald in2 scarz i still felt da stingz!da nxt tym i saw u i gve u da leta,n dis lead 2 us finally tlkin.wat i realised wen u met me 2 tlk is dat sumfingz reali hvn't chnged buh da diffrnce is dat i hve!mayb it ddn't seem dat way 2 u buh i reali am ova dis whle fing, u will alwyz b worth da pain n da tearz buh my heart is neva gona b ready 2 go dur gain.i dn't fink u r over it thou,u fink dat blockin it out n not finkin bout it meanz dat u r ova it buh i knw better!i lived in dat blockin wrld my whle lyf,fingz were dfntly easier dat way buh da minute sumfng else happnz it all getz 2 much n wen it does finally hit u,da pain is intensfied a million tymz coz u hve so much 2 deal wif @ da same tym.i am ready 2 b ur friend n my heart is pieced bck 2getha coz of dis move.da woundz hve heald lyk i hve said buh dur r momentz wen da scarz hurt!dis dsn't mean dat im not ova u,it jst meanz dat onli tym will ease wat lil luvin u left behind.i hpe 1 day,soon dat is, dat u will deal wif dis 2!lyf can b a bitch n i mure den most ppl knw 2 wat xtent fingz can sux buh 1 nite stndin outside in da storm listenin 2 pinkz song 'hu knw' told me dat i wuldn't xchange a single fing dat has hppnd!n it was dat nite dat i fully embraced my lyf n hu i was coz of it!