a lil heartache

argh,i h8 dis stpid emotional heart crap!now i knw y i never had ne feelingz n stuff b4,itz jst 2 dam complicated!!!i h8 dis,i h8 feelin dis way..it suxz major pooppiez!!!(leaz wrds lol)
well i stil hvn't reali dealt wif dis whle ara crap obviously, n my freakin heart n head tkez dis tym *XAM TYM* 2 member evryfing bout da whle us fing.funi ain't it how i'd 4gttn all da gud stuff,dat made it easier 2 get over it or so i thort.i jst did wat i alwys did whch was block it all out,prtnd it never happnd n act lyk im da happist person alive!it turnz out dat itz not my britest idea out!lol all of a sudden i hve all these momentz i member,i thort dat i had fallen in luv wif him blindly, i was beginnin 2 fink dat i made him up,well da him i fell 4.dur was nufing gud bout him or us, well datz wat i had convinced myslf 2 blieve. but den aradhna or reena wuld ask me hw he was n i wuld find myslf caring gain,tellin dem dat sumfing wsn't da same bout him..dat he wsn't da guy i knw.dis wuld obviously lead 2 da hu was he b4 question n datz hw it wuld strt.i wuld strt membrin da funi n totally randum convoz v wuld hve (unleash da beast,member devil hahaha), i wuld member da tymz i had calld him in tearz or txtd him wen i was on da edge,i memberd all da stpid fingz he wuld say 2 mke me smile,take 4 eg dis convo:
me:hw imprtnt am i 2 u?
ara:is dur a scale i dn't knw bout?
me:jst say da 1st fing dat came 2 ur mind smartass
ara:well if i was eatin a kitkat bar i wuld give u half...hehe
utterly stpid hw sumfing dat silly culd mke me blieve dat 2mo wuld b swt as huh..i'd chosen 2 4get hw gr8 he reali was, i was convincin myslf 2 h8 him by sayin dat he was a complete ass,hu had used me n 4gtten bout me da nxt day.BUT u knw wat i cn't h8 him,mayb datz weird considrin he rippd my heart in2 shredz..mayb i was wrng wen i said dat he was lyk every other guy on da planet (i knw,me wrong??wahh?lol), he wsn't n isn't lyk evry other guy i knw.hez spes in mure wayz den wrdz can describe...he cared bout me enuf 2 mke me hold on, he cared bout me enuf 2 mke me realise hw truly amazin lyf was, funi ain't it hw i culdn't stnd guyz but it was a guy hu gave me a reasn 2 live..lucky i luv ironyz huh??hahaha
i dn't miss wat culd of been, i mean i wish it culd b but me bein me wn't hope 4 it *sowi aradhna,hpez a waste of tym* i just miss my friend-i miss da funi mind-scrwin convoz, i miss da crap advice, i miss da sound of his voice on da fone tellin me 2 stp bein dramatic,i miss da immature fitez, i even miss him laughin n tkin da piss outta me!lol i just miss da closenss v had!i knw it wn't ever b da same but i was hopin da dis tym round dat v wuld get da boundaries str8, lyk actually knw wea da line is n mke dis frndshp even better.i kept prayin dat he wuld b rite (i knw i knw shutup lol):he once told me dat tym culd heal all woundz n i tld him dat tym culdn't heal sumfingz,he told me dat he wuld prove it 2 me 1day..i keep wishn n prayin dat he is rite,i want him 2 b rite, i need him 2 b rite..itz da onli way 4 me 2 knw dat v will b k.i want him as my frnd despite evryfng datz gone dwn, i knw dat mst of u xcpt 4 mayb kat wn't understnd dis but he held my hand litrlly n figrtivly wen i went thru da wrst tymz of my lyf last yr n dis yr!!i reali want 2 wrk dis out wif him n if itz beynd all mendin den i want 2 end it better..i want 2 walk away n still want 2 member da gud stuff..a lil heart ache hsn't killd ne 1 b4 rite??