broken hearted

well no1 knwz dat my blog is officially up n runnin gain..whch is osum.i jst need 2 vent 2 sum1 hu i dn't knw n will prbbly neva knw!well as usual da title of my post preti much givez it away..duhhh lol
so heaz wea da stry is @:
i luv dis guy, he knwz i luv him, v had a bit of a fing, im not sure wat u wuld call our fing but 2 mke it easier 4 u normal ppl out dur im call it a "bf/gf relationshp" *whch obviously dsn't include da no strngz attchd,denying fing dat actually happnd lol*, da fing endd lyk a month-ish bck n im still in luv wif him n 2 mke it mure complicated v r tryin da whle "letz b m8z fing"...
aiyoooooooooo..bhagavan..y o y do i alwyz hve 2 hve da fukd up luv lyf???
nwyz i miss da guy, n i luv him mure den eva but i cn't do dis whle frndshp fing.im not sure wat 2 do..evrytym im not wif him i wanna b n wen i am wif him it killz me!!!wtf is wrng wif me???im so twistd!!!yep da old "nuke guyz-fuk da wrld-fuk evry1" me is strtin 2 cum bck 2 lyf!!!i dn't knw wat 2 do...it feelz 2 l8 2 get him bck but ppl keep tellin me dat i will get hm bck if i want 2.datz da fing thou, my heart wantz 2 but my headz tellin me dat i need 2 protect myslf.i mean if he brke my heart once watz da guarntee dat he wn't do it gain rite???o n 4 those of u out dur hu r still freakin amazed @ da whle me bein able 2 luv..OMG i knw!!!lol but itz 4 real, i meant 4eva in da literal way..itz offical i hve a HEART...
dis whle fing is killin me, he was my bst m8 n also da guy i luvd..n now i've lost both!!datz esp wat is mkin it hard, da onli person hu wuld knw wat 2 do is him but i cn't ask him!!actually i reali wanna jst ask him wat i shuld do but i fink even 4 me datz a lil 2 nutz n stpid!lol hez da reasn i began 2 luv lyf,hez da reasn i strtd livin,hez da reasn 4 most of my hapinss yet hez killin me n he dsn't even notice it. my m8z keep tellin me dat guyz deal wif it in diff wayz..but does he reali hve 2 b wif a diff gurl evryday???i knw itz not lyk dat, i knw dey r all jst m8z but itz lyk hez rubbin my nose in it.i feel reali insignificant,lyk i ddn't matter enuf 2 b sad ova,lyk he ddn't lose nefing 2 imprtnt in his lyf.i h8 feelin lyk dis,yup i h8 2 admit it but im jealous!!OMG hu wuld of eva thort huh???lol yes dis is hw much i luv him lol..
i jst wanna kill evry single gurl on da planet hu getz close 2 him n i jst feel lyk freakin beatin da crap outta him!aiyooooo y o y does it hurt dis much..itz lyk im da onli 1 hurtin n lyfz jst bck 2 nrmal 4 him.itz not fair,i knw wen has my lyf eva been fair but it still managez 2 hurt n surprise me evrytym...i want him *not in a dodgy way lol* i want da guy i luv bck..i want a 2nd chance but i dn't fink he will cum bck.da distnce btwn us grws evryday n it hurtz 2 much 2 b in da bckgrnd..so i guess i hve actually made up my mind??i shuld confront him rite??i shuld jst ask him if i, if v can hve a 2nd chance..rite???n if itz a no i hve 2 leave rite..i hve 2 leave not jst physclly but emotionlly dis tym 2!!!i cn do dis rite???i've been thru much worse,but it seemz dat hez capable of breakin sumfing which is alrdy broken..im a fighter so i will mke it thru da darknss rite???o pls sum1 tell me dat i can do dis...