first wkz bck

holy crap,neva thort i culd h8 a plce so much!buh hnstly i h8 uni,not coz of da wrkload either!well i wuld b lyin if i said dat dsn't cum in2 play..buh i h8 uni mure coz of all da crap dat goes dwn dur!itz da plce wea frndshpz break,relationshpz end,tearz start n da pain continues or growz!argh..k mayb im bein a tad dramatic!lol buh hnstly da 1st 2wks bck in uni hve been so freakin bollywud mvie dat i fink a lil bit of melodrama is calld 4 in my blog!:D (yes guyz,datz rite wen has my blog ever been melodramatic rite???hehe)nwyz bck on2 da point of dis blog post...da 1st wk of uni endd up wif me in tearz!surprise surprise *rollz eyez* even mure surprising is da person hu left me in tearz!*drum roll plssssss* da great GENTLE giant left me in tearz yet gain!he dsn't knw obviously,after our 1st meetin i ran off in tearz n left u guyz wndrin wea i was n wat da hell went dwn!buh yea i went 2 kickboxin ova da wkend n wrkd my butt off so i culd buy da rest of my txtbukz n jst avoidd tlkin 2 ne1 in general bout wat had hppnd btwn him n me!by da tym mon came round i was bck 2 normal n fngz were preti swt as 4 me,dfntly da calm b4 da storm huh???nwyz on 2nd wk;tues aftrnoon i met up wif pagal 2 get sum info on his frnd priv hu lykz farah, i jst was doin da whle chckin out his bckground fing lol..dn't xctly knw hw dat endd up wif me hvin a fracturd wrist!nwyz i prmisd pagal dat i wuld tell him hu da gurl was after he tld me all i wantd 2 knw..yes,duh i was cmpltly lyin thru my teeth lol!by da tym he figured dis out it was 2 l8 n he got pissd wen i bckd outta my wrd!so he throt he wuld b mature n steal my wallet n da letaz/poems dat were in my bag!he tuk off runnin n laughin @ me round da science centre n den dwn da stairs 2 da undrground parkin plce!da whle tym im swearin n punchin tryna get my crap bck!whle in da carpark area i punchd n kickd him a few tymz n he grabbd my hand n twistd it bhind my bck(u knw hw copz do 2 robberz in da mvies),i strtd screamin dat it hurt buh he thort i was pullin his leg lyk i use 2 do wen v use 2 play fite!buh nah i wsn't kiddin..after dis he ran off in2 da boiz toilets n left me outside huffin n puffin!god was i fukd off!he was behvin so immature n i h8d 2 admit it but he was beginnin 2 melt my heart all ova gain!so after lyk a few minz he cumz out n gve me bck my stuff n i strmd off n went home!dat nite i realisd my arm was swellin n txtd dat idiot 2 tell him dat he was a bully.da nxt mrnin i got up n it was even worse so i went 2 da uni nurse hu tld me dat my wrist miteb spraind..i was l8 2 class so i ddn't reali pay much attntion 2 her warningz.i got aradhna 2 bandage up my wrist while xplain hw da playfightin btwn ara n me had gone sooo wrng!all thru da day i ran in2 m8z hu flippd out @ da site of my hand cmpltly bandaged!i wsn't reali worid thou buh dat nite i went 2 my doc uncle n got a x-ray n datz wen he told me dat my wrist was "NEARLY BROKEN" (he was tryna mke me c da srsness of da whle situation i fink..hehe)2 put it in his termz,it was a fracture n he tld me dat i had 2 hve my arm in a sling n mst prbbly a cast!i refusd both sayin dat i hdn't even tld my rntz bout dis yet n dat i wuld cum bck,gain lyin thru my teeth lol!(o n kat he culdn't force me 2 do it coz itz gainst da law,legally i can refuse treatmnt if i want :D o da joyz of bein legal!hehe)i hve been leavin home freakin early n goin home freakin l8 jst so i can hide dis whle fng 4m my rntz,dur gona flip n i hve no idea wat im gona say 2 dem!nwyz on thurs mrning i tld aradhna wat da doc said n she txtd ara all pissd off,wifout my knwldge course!whle v r sittin in da comp labz lukin up sumfing he cumz up 2 me n startz goin off!da wrdz i did pay attention 2 were:''BULLSHIT,I DDN'T DO DIS 2 U,WAT DA HELLZ WRNG WIF IT NEWAY,U PRBBLY FELL DWN DA STAIRZ OR SUMFING,BULLSHIT I DDN'T DO DIS 2 U".thruout his freakout i kept my mouth shut n aradhna got fukd off @ da way he was speakin 2 me so she told him 2 fuk off!i tld her 2 bck off n b4 i knw it dey startd goin @ each other!i stood up n tld her 2 shutup n den turnd 2 him n askd in tamil 4 him 2 bck off!he replyz wif dn't tell me,tell her n i turnd round 2 rad'z n tld her 2 fuk up n sit dwn,she spitz out fuk off 2 him n den obeyz my commandz.he turnz round n sayz hu knwz wat n stormd off!i got in a shit n ran off..i ran into da boiz hu tried 2 calm me dwn by buyin me a v bottle!sahil wlkz me bck in n i wrkd up da nerve 2 ask ara if i culd speak 2 him 4 5minz,he fully slammd me ae!i got even mure fukd n told sahil bhaiya 2 tke my stuff n dat i wuld cum bk 4 it l8r!i wlkd off in a shit n rad'z came aftr me wndrin if i was k (hahaha) i tld her dat i wuld lyk her 2 say sowi n she refused n i tld sahil dat ara n her culd bth get fukd!i ran in2 samira hu was so freakin confusd on wat she had jst stubbld cross buh i ddn't even stick round 2 xplain!i tuk off 2 elam 2 c kat so dat i culd tlk 2 rosh!da 5min tlk i wntd wif rosh turnd in2 well..agez n i had 2 xplain da romeo n juilet stry 4m da start!durin all of dis rosh was starin @ me arm wndrin if he had actually done it on purpose..so jst incase ne1 hsn't heard let me voice it loud n clear:"HE DID NOT INTENTIONALLY DO DIS 2 ME,IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!" nwyz i tld rosh 2 tke care of him coz i knw dat he was fukd off as hell,not jst bout da fite wif aradhna or da way v had all spken 2 each other buh i knw he wuld of been fukd off @ himslf.i tld rosh 2 tell him dat it wsn't his fault n dat he wsn't jst lyk my dad coz i knw dat scrtly inside dat he wuld b freakin out bout seein my arm lyk dat!i mean yea,itz tru mayb he cn't stnd 2 b round me nw buh he wuld neva want nefing bad 2 happen 2 me!so yea da jist of da chat bein pls luk after him coz i cn't b dur 2 do it n 2 tell him 2 stop givin a shit bout me so dat he culd mve on wif his own lyf n stp bein so angry @ da wrld!da 2nd wk also endd wif me in tearz as u can all tell!it reali breakz my heart 2 c hw v hve turnd out ae..i mean dis tym last yr v culdn't get enuf of each other n now v cn't or rather he cn't stnd 2 even c me round!i hve no idea hw v got 4m bein so freakin hapi 2 so freakin miserable!n i h8 2 say it buh neva in my lyf hve i eva felt dis unhapi b4!im srs,despite all da worse shit dat has happnd in my lyf i still was hapi (in da bigger picture) buh in da bigger picture dis whle year i hve been sooo UNHAPI!n it suxz dat sumfing lyk dis (sumfing dat actually does hve gr8,up pointz) culd potentially take me down..im tryin 2 fite buh im slwly runnin outta strngth.wen did all da lil fingz stp mkin me hapi ae..wea did dat simple day b4 colourz turnd in2 shadez go????

dear pagal

I 1st saw u in dec @ da beach.in a group of 10 or so guyz u stood out,i lykd u immdtly!dn't even knw y dat is buh datz hw our story begun.formally got intro'd 2 u @ da start of jan @ a netball game n u knw me as da midget crazy gurl,whch 4 sum reason ddn't bother me.it wsn't till da mid of jan dat i learnd u were m8z wif my lil sis,i was curious 2 knw y sum1 of ur age wuld b txtin my lil sis so i stole ur # 4m her fone n prntdd 2 b sum chick huz nickname was pinky!it wsn't long b4 u figured out hu i was thou,da 'u suck @ volleyball' clue 4 sure gave it away as i had loudly voiced my opinion of ur volleyball skillz @ da beach wen i 1st saw u.4m dis randum txtin convo v bcame 'hey-gudbye' m8z, 4 me dis start was enuf coz my weird mojo feelinz told me dat sum day soon v wuld mean preti much da wrld 2 each other.in btwn us gettin 2 knw each other my fam fell apart n my whle wrld got turnd upside dwn, i wsn't even legal yet n i had: 3jobz,fulltym skool duties,fam issues,n on top off all of dis i had our community goss 2 wori bout.i had very lil strngth left 4m evryfing i had been thru buh dis was my fam n i had 2 do evryfing 2 keep us alive n 2getha.my m8z had constntly been dur 4 me even wen dey had no idea wat i was goin thru buh i decided dat dis yr;our final yr of highskool dat i wuld let dem all live seprte livez 4m me so dat dey culd enjoy our last highskool momentz.so itz coz of dis decision i bcame close 2 u.i needd sum1 2 replce da hole in my heart i had created by isolatin myslf n u seemd a safe enuf bet.i slwly let u in,not knwin if i culd trust u 1stly since u were a guy (da very xistnce i h8d) buh 2ndly coz u were lankan.u took it all preti well,it must of cum as a shock 2 u 2 knw wat reali was hidden bhind my cheeky smile n childish laughtr buh i was surprised @ ur strngth.u got in2 my head n wen i was tlkin 2 u i was distrctd 4m da darkness dat surroundd me buh sumtymz even u weren't enuf n i strtd drinkin,partyin n jst bein plain stupid wif my lyf esp wen it came 2 da whle liver fing.it was round da mid of june wen u strtd bein a lil diff wif me n i realised dat even i was a lil diff wif u,dur were momentz btwn us n i was a lil worried 2 wea dis wuld lead.sept hit n still neither of us was willin 2 give in 1st n admit wat was goin on,my 18th b'day came round n my m8z met u 4 da 1st tym.dey knw me well enuf 2 read btwn da linez or in dis case da insltz i threw @ u,dey knw hw much u truly meant 2 me even thou i prbbly had given u other signalz.on da way home dey convincd me 2 tell u hw i felt so 4 da 1st tym in my lyf i did sumfing 4 me,sumfing dat i truly wantd,it turnd out 2 b a lot mure complic8d den i culd of imgnd n it resltd in our 1st fite!u admittd u felt da same buh also statd dat dis culd go nowea.dis went on til da strt of nov,u had uni xamz n i had my finalz.lyf @ dis point was preti shit 4 both of us n u tld me dat u were goin 2 da temple by urslf 2 pray n askd me if i had sumfing i wantd so dat u culd incld dat in ur prayerz,datz da 1st momnt in my lyf i fell 4 u.i had alwyz tld u i cared bout u buh u had neva reali xprssd hw much u cared until dat momnt,datz da 1st moment u got in2 my heart n it was in dat momnt i realisd i was doomd!lyf went on 4 both of us lyk dis all summer holz,fingz got a lil mure intnse wif da all da meetin up n fone callz.v tlkd 4 hrz bout all da lil fingz dat matterd n u finally began 2 trust me,i found myslf hopin dat i had gottn in2 ur heart 2.uni den strtd,it was da perfct xcuse 4 me 2 ctch a glimpse of u nearly evryday!dat thort was 1 of da 1st evry mrnin i got up!v met up randumly sumdayz,grabbd lunch or icecream,wlkd thru da park or jst loungd round in commnz.it was round dis tym da line in our frndshp was blurrd n neithr of us culd of guessd wat wuld hit us!finally i got sick of all da beatin round da bush so i apprchd da topic of us wif u gain in da 1st leta,u had ur usual answr:'yes buh no'.i was hurt buh i was a fightr n i wantd dis so bad so i kept pushin n evntually u strtd playin 2 my tune.dis was prbbly da biggst mistke i've ever made buh despite hw v hve turnd out i dn't regret it.i had u,even if it was onli 4 a few momentz.my heart brke in2 pieces wen i wlkd away 4m u buh i knw dat i had 2 do dis 4 ur sake,u ddn't hve da strngth 2 break my heart even thou u culdn't stay.da darkness u had kept 4m consumin me 4 da past yr or so finally caught up n i was so lost.i culdn't comprehnd wat had jst hppnd,i had gone in2 dis whle fing finkin dat u culdn't break sumfing dat was alrdy brken buh in da darkness i realised dat da mst imprtnt piece of my heart was missin n dat i culdn't b complete wifout it bck.i knw da onli way 2 mend my heart was 2 hve u bck,i went bout it in all da wrng wayz n finally u got sick of it n wlkd away.in dat momnt da lil gurl i kept hiddn inside of me brke,finally,she wept n wept 4 all she had lost in her lyf!my dayz ddn't seem da same wifout u buh i was willin 2 blck out da pain so dat i culd b dur 4 all da gurlz i luvd.i riskd so much 2 hve u buh da brken heart u left bhind bought bck da old"nuke guyz" part of me.xamz hit 4 both of us n v had barely had a conversation in monthz n it was round dis tym dat my blockin hw i feel powerz ran out!hw much i missd u,not as da guy i fell in luv wif buh as my frnd hit me n i fukd up my xamz!da holz came bout n i knw i had 2 sort out my head n try 2 mend my heart.da distnce btwn us got lnger n lnger n it hurt so much buh i knw deep dwn dat dis was a gud fing 4 both of us.i rote u da 3rd n final leta in da holz,i told u y i tuk dis whle fing hard!i felt lyk u had betryd n used me despite knwin hw i felt bout da wrld esp guyz n finally i was ready 2 put dis whle fing bhind me!it had been months since v have had a face 2 face convo n it had been preti much a month or so since i had seen u.2nd sem strtd n on da 1st day bck i ran in2 u,i was smooth as i culd hve been buh even thou da woundz had heald in2 scarz i still felt da stingz!da nxt tym i saw u i gve u da leta,n dis lead 2 us finally tlkin.wat i realised wen u met me 2 tlk is dat sumfingz reali hvn't chnged buh da diffrnce is dat i hve!mayb it ddn't seem dat way 2 u buh i reali am ova dis whle fing, u will alwyz b worth da pain n da tearz buh my heart is neva gona b ready 2 go dur gain.i dn't fink u r over it thou,u fink dat blockin it out n not finkin bout it meanz dat u r ova it buh i knw better!i lived in dat blockin wrld my whle lyf,fingz were dfntly easier dat way buh da minute sumfng else happnz it all getz 2 much n wen it does finally hit u,da pain is intensfied a million tymz coz u hve so much 2 deal wif @ da same tym.i am ready 2 b ur friend n my heart is pieced bck 2getha coz of dis move.da woundz hve heald lyk i hve said buh dur r momentz wen da scarz hurt!dis dsn't mean dat im not ova u,it jst meanz dat onli tym will ease wat lil luvin u left behind.i hpe 1 day,soon dat is, dat u will deal wif dis 2!lyf can b a bitch n i mure den most ppl knw 2 wat xtent fingz can sux buh 1 nite stndin outside in da storm listenin 2 pinkz song 'hu knw' told me dat i wuldn't xchange a single fing dat has hppnd!n it was dat nite dat i fully embraced my lyf n hu i was coz of it!

dance,leaz swt 16th n other crap

okay,itz been ages n i hve so much 2 ctch u all up on..wea o wea 2 strt,guess da beginnin wuld b helpful ae!lol so here it is:
firstly my dance boiz,boi o boi did dey hve me worid dur 4 awhle!!i honstly blieved dat dey were gona scrw up lyk hell,i knw i shuld of had mure faith in dem buh blieve me if u all had seen da way dey prctisd u wuld of had ur doubtz 2!rite b4 dey were due on stage rubez (ruben) strtz hvin dis break dwn...hez all-"acca i cn't do dis, u go on..omg im gona puke",i swear 2 god he was shakin so i jst pulld him in2 a bear hug n tld da boiz dat i luvd dem n dat i was proud of dem n dat it wuldn't matter if dey scrwd up (smilin of course).n mr negative (abbi) tkez dis tym 2 point out dat i had threatn 2 beat da crap outta dem if dey scrwd up!it made da boiz crck up @least!dey went on stage n RIPPD IT UP DUDEZ!!I hve never in my lyf been so proud!i sat on da ground rite up front in my skirt n shuffld along wif da mves!da crwd went so nutz!rite as it endd i sprintd off bck stge (in my heelz!lol) n jumpd up n dwn wif da boiz,it lukd lyk a mini mosh pit wif all da mumz n siblingz joinin in 2!lol mr crck up (keru) n mr smart ass (keeran) den tuk dis tym 2 ask me wen v were strtin prctise 4 dur nxt dance!hahahah dharsi n sum of da uni gurlz turnd up n it was sooo osum coz dey got 2 c wat kelston is made of!!HA!nigga pls,buh yea evry1 else is w8in 4 our nxt creation so i guess v did aite ae!hehe o n v kickd nirupaz dance!!wooop wooooopp!!dam str8 nigganese!!hahaha not dat it was a competition or nefing lol
on2 da nxt fing,it was leaz swt 16th dis wkend,v had a mean as bash @ our place.her nigganese m8z turnd up n ate all da fud!haha nah,it was crck v wtchd a whle dam lot of mvies n ate a whle heap of JUNK FUD 2 da point wea sum of us were sick!yes me lol..den v went 4 a wlk 2 fudtwn 2 get sum mure junk n tuk reali randum picz on da way,invlvin bushes,trees n sign post of course,usual kelston stylz!hehe dharsi came n v danced up a storm dwnstairz wif da disco litez on!it was crck coz da lil 1z were so inncnt until dey saw dharsi,acca n me pull out our clubbin mves!!haha mel tuk picz 2 prve da dodgyness lol!poor lil creaturez got scared outta dur mindz i fink lol,scard 4 lyf 4 sure!lol da party carried on in2 da nite n all wkend basically.2day da lankan gurlz (n guy) came over..endd up wtchin da rest of da mvies n mum made a whle heap of fud whch she kept loadin on2 our platez!poor brin,she tried 2 gap it 2 da bin n got snppd majorly n endd up gettin her 3rd fill up ae!!hahaha it was 2 crck coz sajeev was tryna cry 2 get outta it!ddn't end up pullin it off thou n got his plate filld 2, n thuli tried da whle tamil spkin-"aunty ur a gr8 cuk n i luvd ur fud buh im full fing" whch also ddn't wrk!hahaha n str8 after it mum made us hve dessrt coz dey had 2 go soon n v all strtd moanin our headz off n logi was lyk i fink i gotta go puke n ran off 2 da bathrm!yes,datz hw much my mum made her eat!lol buh yea v endd up eatin all of da dessrt n den plyd caarum whch endd up wif logi kickin our buttz!n dat gurl actually refusd 2 play @ da strt sayin she had no aim wat-so-ever!liar!!all in all it was a crck tym n thuli finally gve me da letter shez b meanin 2 give me ever since da shw,dat gurlz crckd in da head buh tlkin 2 her bout watz been goin on in my lyf has actually made me feel better!shez a lot lyk me,esp da whle bitchynss n i cn't w8 2 ctch up wif her 4 our drink up!hahaha
apart 4m these major eventz i've gone 2 c transformers wif mel,her lil bro n lea!itz a mint mvie!!absolutly luvd it!!!cn't w8 till it cumz out on dvd so gona buy it!lol devil had a lil get 2getha @ her plce whch i went 2 whle i was kinda groundd n got snppd majorly n endd up even mure groundd den b4 (if datz poss lol) so i wsn't allwd 2 c her b4 she went but it seemz dat shez aite after her drnkup lol!da rest of my rsltz r due out soon..argh nervous as hell buh @least i got dat drink up wif thuli,hahaha n dat gurlz lyk 14 or 15 ae,not even legal yet n shez askin me 2 go out wif her!bahaha dam our generation is doomd lol!lyfz aite-ish rite nw..nufng mure or less 2 say.. :)