Relationships, Love and All That Jazz

I'm not really sure what is so special (or screwed up) about this year but everybody I know is having some kind of heartache. Are we at the age where life gets complicated? Is this a sign of things to come? I wish I had the answers, I wish I could save myself and those I love from the pains of life. However, I can't and may be this is what we have to go through to grow, to learn and to understand.

Our lives are filled with relationships from the moment we are bought into this world. At the beginning, we have no choice in who we form relationships with...mum, dad, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles. These relationships at times give us strong foundations to face the world with and at other times they clip our wings to prevent us from flying. As we grow, we realise that other relationships are freely picked. The easiest choice being that of friends. Friends who make living fun by creating amazing memories, halving your troubles, wiping away your tears, fighting for your happiness, making it possible to laugh even when the world is ending but mostly by loving you even when you can't love yourself. At times even this choice isn't easy but once found- no matter the fights, misunderstanding, opinions and mismanagement, it cannot be lost.

If only the other significant-freely-chosen relationship was as easy. Choosing our other half. Why is it that this 'relationship' is filled with more troubles, woes, tears and misunderstandings than others?

Love is hard work. Once upon a time I was the type of person that believed that love can conquer all. Five years later...I realise that is the biggest bullshit quote on the planet. Love cannot conquer all. The only thing that can conquer all is understanding, acceptance, time and trust. Without that there can be no love, no future, no happily ever after. It sounds simple on paper but in reality understanding, acceptance, time and trust are the hardest things to have in a relationship.

All relationships start off good..the honeymoon phase. At the start it is easy to accept the other person and understand their motives and emotions. This is because you are blinded by the tingly feelings that covers your skin at their touch, deafened by the beating of your heart and made speechless by the loving things they say and do. It is easy to understand and accept because all you want to do is please and be pleased. As a result of the newness time is also easily achieved, you want nothing more than to see them and be seen by them. Your emotions are at an all time high and the constant attention, happiness and security leads you to trust. Love. So how does it all get so complicated?

Easy...it starts usually with time. The longer you are together, the less time you feel the other person needs. Its not that you don't want to see them, or don't love them anymore...its more that you grow comfortable and secure in the relationship that you figure that you can continue living and the feelings will exist forever. Whats not realised is that time is the most important aspect of a relationship, with time comes understanding, acceptance and trust. People mistake time as being a quantity thing but its not. Its a quality thing. You can spend hours with someone and still not feel satisfied, why? Its because as humans you want something from the other person, whether it is to feel secure, to feel listened to, to feel included...These needs can be satisfied in a split second- by a single touch, by a single word, by a single look..a single action. If your needs are met,understanding, acceptance and trust continue to deepen. But more often than not, the other person misunderstands your need as being overly clingy, demanding, irrational or selfish. They then continue to take the time away from the relationship thinking that with distance your need (or insecurities as they sometimes perceive them) will disappear as you have your alone time to think and sort it out. Of course, this is usually where the downward spiral begins.

This is when it gets hard and where it gets complicated. What can be done to fix it? At what point is it too late? I know there is no right answer, and the situation is different for everyone but I want to give the opinion thing a stab based on my experiences.

I used to believe that everything and anything could be fixed if you were determined enough (or stubborn enough in my case) but I know now that its not true. For things to be fixed, both people firstly need to want to fix it and secondly have to try equally to fix it. I think the hardest thing about this is that at times you miss each other- you may be too angry or hurt to fix it when they are ready to try and vice verse`. The timing of this is usually where it falls apart because your hurt and their hurt are in competition with each other and this stubbornness on who is hurt more or angry more can kill any attempt at truly fixing it. The giving partner will usually give in and the taking partner will be convinced that they were right. This is a vicious cycle that can continue for years...forever.

I think the point when its too late is based on how much you have invested into the relationship, what has been done (or not done) to fix it, what you want from the relationship and what you need for the future. I guess, in simple terms, the point when its too late is when you stop being surprised or hurt by the other persons actions or inaction. This is a dead end kind of feeling. But this is clinical, without considering conflicting emotions/couple history/investment of time and emotions. If I consider these, I guess the point that made me realise that it was too late was when he could make me cry, ignore me and rage at me without ceasing to be happy and continuing to live himself. I knew then that my continuing unhappiness was not going to prevent him from sleeping at night or going out to have a good time. So I guess that is when I knew that no amount of talking, compromises and action could fix what he had broken inside of me because he could exist without me.

It sounds so simple when I put it down like that but in fact that knowledge was difficult to comprehend, not just because it was harsh and beyond hurtful but because your own emotions and insecurities play a huge part. I always get asked why I stayed so long when I knew it was ending...so here are my deep,dark, shaming secrets:
1. I loved him, despite his many faults and I could keep giving even at my own demise...I believed he would eventually change and realise that he was treating me like crap and would make me happy again.
2. I was afraid to make the decision as I had doubts about my reasoning especially as I could live to regret it..it could be the wrong one..maybe I was asking for too much or not being understanding enough and maybe I needed to have more patience. All in all maybe he was right.
3. I was afraid to be by myself, I had spent so long in a relationship that I didn't know how to exist outside of one.
4. I wasn't sure if I could find anyone better, anyone who would understand me the way he did or know the things he did, more than that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through the investment again with someone else. Staying was easier as he knew me and I knew him.
5. I wasn't sure if I could cope or deal with a heartbreak..maybe the pain he was causing me now was the better pain or easier pain than the break up pain.

So I stayed. He didn't. I guess if he hadn't given me the goodbye, it would have continued for weeks/months maybe even years.Maybe we would have married and this would have continued till both of us were bitter and resentful. I am ashamed to admit to my insecurities and doubts but I know now that their are others out there that have done or are doing the same thing.

If I could do it all again I would see the patterns of his actions and inaction, I would see his growing detachment and his unwillingness to meet me half way...I would then realise that no doubts and insecurities I feel inside should stop me from being happy and make me accept less. So I guess if my love affair was rewritten, I would have walked away. But I can only say this now, after my heartbreak and resulting self awareness and appreciation...

To each their own I say.

But just remember that understanding, acceptance, time and trust make up love. The are interdependent, and should exist on both sides. Everybody deserves to be understood, accepted, to trust and be trusted, and above all everybody deserves to have quality time invested in them. Everybody wants, needs and deserves to be loved. After my heartbreak all I can say is don't give constantly for anything less, don't constantly accept anything less and don't stay for anything less. You deserve to be happy and loved. Never forget that.

Déjà vu

Things I never thought would repeat, replay in my life over and over again. The same scenes, the same pain, but hopefully not the same outcome.

"History never repeats itself and yet history always repeats itself."

Last time, during Ara, I left feeling so bitter and so angry. I dealt with the pain, my pain and his, with anger and alcohol. Those two A's drove me to the end of the world. I lost myself in a haze of pain and hatred, wanting to be left to alone, to focus, to channel my excess energy towards my studies and to hating him. This I thought made me strong. Stronger than I had ever been. But what I did not realise back then is that in losing myself I drove him towards the edge. In changing my path, I altered his to the point of no return. But back then this could not touch my black heart as I was consumed with so much pain that all I wanted was to feel nothing but satisfaction at my arrows that pierced his life.

Despite my anger and arrows he stayed close, holding my hand when breathing got too hard. The further into the darkness I wandered, the closer my friends became. Bonded in their desperate attempt to save me from myself. Bonded together in their hatred for the one that broke not only my heart but also my soul.

... ... ...

Much time has passed since that dark haze, however history is repeating itself but I refuse to keep the button on replay.

... ... ...

Yet another broken heart, yet more tear filled nights, yet more memories crashing into me. I feel as if I am a ragged doll which has been tossed into the sea. Waves slam me up against rock faces, and pull me under, swirling into my lungs and constricting every beat of my heart.

But this time I have the will to live, to fight. I refuse to let the tides pull me down and the darkness consume me. I finally have my chance at fixing history. Or at least one piece of the history I did not know better to do or not do last time.

This time History, I can play you on an even playing field. I know that anger, alcohol and hatred will not leave me better off on the score card, and I have also learnt that shooting arrows into his life will only get me a red card. Therefore, I have devised a clever plan. My unexpected penalty goal.

I will own you in this game, History. This is one battle I will not lose.

No matter how hard you play your attackers, no matter how much he pushes through my first line of defenders, I will not let him score into my heart. I, the goalie, will not falter in this round.

I admit I was naive to think you would play fair. After all, History it is you that stated that all is fair in love and war.

This is war. And I am Sparta.

No matter what he says, no matter what he does, I have to keep playing. I will not fall for his trick plays. I will just play the ball, the fairest and straightest way I know how. No longer will I make cheap shots, or play the victim to gain a few yards.

Cheap shots and victimisation will only be the forbidden arrows. I refuse to hurt his defenders, despite their constant bid to tear me down. You can't hold me down. I will keep gaining and you will never catch me.

I will not be the death of him.

History, you may be able to hurt me with your memories, and your constant doubts but no longer will you use me to punish him. That much I have learnt from last time.

His defenders are weak, they cannot hold forever. His mistakes in the game plan are showing, yet I have no need for them as I know how to win with my own two feet. My defenders will run behind me as I lead the onslaught.

History, you are history.

circle of life

Wow its been nearly a year since I have written in this...time truly does fly by.
I wish I could say that things have changed, well I guess I wish I could say certain things have changed but I can't.

Four years ago I fell in love. In love with a guy who couldn't or wouldn't love me back. I waited and waited and fought on through the pain of loving him but to no avail. He wasn't mine and I couldn't be his. I told him long ago that loving him would leave scars, scars that would never heal and neither of us could have known how right I would be.

In order to be his friend, in order to keep some bit of him, I moved on. Yet again I fell in love. In love with a boy who I trusted would be the man I could give my all to some day. For two hard, long, painful years I fought for this boy, for the life I knew we both deserved but he too left me cut. Deeply.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I know what I must do but I am unsure as to what it is I want to do. Truly do. Many forks in the road.
I loved both of them. Differently of course but no more or less than the other. May be that is a lie, even I don't know anymore.
Both of them cut me, so deeply that at times I can't breathe from the share amount of blood loss they caused.

...

First love, true love...whats the difference?

....

I think I have always held a flame for the first love, may be I always will. The love that fills every corner of your heart and soul, the love that every great romance movie and book holds. The love filled with immense amounts of passion, not just for the one you love but for life itself. The first man I let see my heart and all the pain inside of it. The first to hold me in a way I let no other and will let no other.The man I moved on for as he gave me no other path to follow. His choice or lack of choice led me to another.

The broken path he gave me led me to my second love. Second in no other way then in the obvious way, he was not my first.The love I held for him saw no boundaries, outstretched the many seas and outgrew the many trees. I saw in him everything I had deserved the first time around, everything I knew I could be and everything I wanted. May be it wasn't passionate love, may be it wasn't the thing of fairy tales but it was love all the same. It was like wine and cheese, the love that grew with time and patience and got richer the older it got. The love that all great marriages are made of. The love that conquers death and outlasts time. The love that changes and alters you and your world so deeply, that things truly will never be the same.

Neither loved me for long. The first I pushed away with my cold words and hurtful ways. The second I lost through no fault of mine. He couldn't follow where I wanted to go despite knowing I would have chosen a different path for him.

What next...do I move past all the cuts and hope that soon they will turn into scars, or do I pick at old cuts in hopes of opening the connections to those wounds again?

love

i really want to write this all down, so without a diary right now im left to resort back to blogs.
im not sure when this happened. i honestly don't know what to say or think about this.
i don't seem to remember life before them, and its not just me but my besties too.
it is the most wanted feeling in the world, the most needed feeling in the world. it defines our very existance.
love.
one simple word.
nothing at all simple about it.
how does it end up so complicated when it truly seemed so easy to be happy. im not sure when they, the other species, became so important.i never really believed in love at first sight or happily ever after.it always just seemed to be too good to be true. i still don't believe in any of that but i do think love exists.
love.
what the hell is it anyway?
so many people have an opinion on it so i thought i would give it a crack too.
i don't think you have to be stary eyed, or infact fall head over heels. yes, its true, there is a point in which you do feel like that but thats not the reality of love. well, true love i think is what comes after the stary eyed, bollywood love song scene.
its reality.
its the scenes they cut out.
its the facts people don't share.
its the stories people don't tell.
i think thats where love begins and where it continues to grow.indefinitly.nothing can ever win over the power of love when the reality scene is on repeat.
love.
its not the sweaty palms or the thudding heart, or even the smile you wear when you see them.its not the makeout sessions, or the hot monkey sex. it doesn't have to do with how hot they look in that moment or how much they weigh. its not that feeling of dread when you feel like you have lost them nor is it the words said to get them back.
i don't believe its any of these things.
love.
its all the bits in between.
the bits that you didn't think were important.
the bits you don't agonise over and analyse.
love...
its the moment you see their true colours and question the world. in that moment you realise everything you will ever need to know. its then you know what stuff you are made of and what stuff you may need. its in a single sec, even before you know it yourself, you have already decided to stay or go.that moment is true love. that single decision you mull over for the next few days has already been made.that in between moment, that bit you didn't see or realise you had, that bit you didn't analyse is what makes up love.
it in fact is simple.
as simple as a yes or a no.
a yes i will stay does not always mean you love them, and a no does not mean that you don't love them. it is all a matter of what you see or want to see.
love...
it doesn't mean giving up who you are or who you want to be, not completely. its a matter of finding if you can achieve both of those things with that person in your life.its a matter of exploring all aspects of their character and yours to see if you can somehow work like a well-oiled machine.it should be about losing yourself in them but finding everything you were and everything you want to be in them too.
love...
it doesn't mean that you should be together always.in some cases it may mean that you can't be together in the end. whatever it may be, it doesn't mean that your love wasn't real.
sometimes the best journey's in life are the ones shared apart.

i don't know what you think, and in fact don't care.
all i know is that love is not a fullstop, no matter what happens or where it leads, it is but a comma in your life

supersari women

is it a bird???is it a plane????NOOOOOOOOOO its superSARI women!!bhahaha okay i've jst had a lil 2 much time on my handz huh..so herez a sum wat quick n brief update on my life n all thse im stuck wif!! :P

*went 2 da beach wif kat,mel,matt,marcus a few wkz ago.had an osum tym,god i luv hangin wif asians!!lol mel,matt n me preti much spnt da whle day runnin after each other,pushin each other in da water n tacklin each other!matt pickd up mel n chuckd her in da water!!bahaha it was 2 crck course melly was out 4 revenge so matt endd up gettin thrashd 2!!lol was 2 funi buh also very cute!endd up feastin on fish n chips n bakin in da sun b4 v went n got ourslvez sum icecream!!den v laxd out by hvin a long stroll on da beach so dat v culd all goss bout da respctive boi's in our lives.overall very laxin,hapi day! (wish u were here dom!!)

*mel n kat preti much live @ my plce nw,well dey kinda hve 2 considrin i hve real trouble gettin outta home!nwyz v decidd 2 do a scrapbuk of our lives!so kat bought all her artsupplies whch is preti much her whle rm ova 2 my plce n v invadd dwnstairs wif our arty wayz!(well kats arty wayz lol).da scrapbuk is gona consist of baby picz,thru 2 childhood,highskool n till nw!so all our anticz r gona b documentd in a big brite YELLOW folder!itz goin gud so far..managed 2 get our skul dayz,da ball,rainbowz end trip,tennis dayz n artsfest pgs done!lukin hot 2!!cn't w8 2 c da finishin product!!

*hit hendo westcity wif kat n mel so dat us 3 culd actually hang outside of my house!got chris bhai 2 drop us off..aww dn't u jst luv our asian bros!!lol mel n me kept pickin out ugly tops n dresses 4 each other 2 try on whle kat managed 2 stay outta our evil" i dare u" games n try on reali preti lukin clthes!spnt da whle day crckin up @ me coz i was hvin truble adjstin 2 life outside my house!!yes dom,dat does me i was confused by brite lites,mvin stairs n da many ppl!!bahaha im sure thse 2 were embrssd of me (mure dne usual nwyz) lol :D.all in all a crckd up day! ooo btw chris spraind his ankle by stndin on his bed!ahah finally sum1 even mure retardd den me!!WOOOOOOP WOOP!

*went 2 my auntz farewell party wea i met my luk alike!!!im srs,dude da whle dur r 7 ppl in da wrld dat luk lyk u fing is tru i fink!!!hsntly!my luk alyk's name is breethi,shez lankan n my age,she goes 2 A.U 2!!itz freaky!!v luk soo freakin smiliar.same huge,crzy litebulb smile!!!same glasses,same hairstyle!!da onli diff is shez taller den me n a lil skinner!!n has amazing clear skin (btch!!LOL).buh yea evry1 freakd out @ da party n her bro kpt askin his rnts if dur was sumfing dey had 2 tell breethi or me!!bahaha was a very intrstin nite as u can tell.OOO btw v finally got da lankanz 2 join in on our westside stylz dodgy picz!!yipee!

*lastly on dis quick newz bulletin is my superSARI women xplaination!as v all knw my rntz hve been preti srs bout da whle proposal fing so i've had sari blouses tailord 4 da sari's dad bought bck 4m london 4 me!so i thort i wuld kinda get in2 dis whle sari wearin fing whch was a gud idea until my mum had planz bout sendin sari-wearin picz ovaseas!!!freakin hell..im not kiddin!!!so i guess i kinda underestim8d dur srs-nss bout dis whle fing ae!lol so yea da last few dayz hve consistd of gettin in2 sari's n gettin picz taken whle i scwl @ da person bhind da camera!kat came ova 2 help me in da orange sari n laughd hystrcly @ me whle i got my pic taken a million tymz!buh yest it was anthr stry mel was over bring ova 4 me baked goods 2 cheer me up (choc chip cookies yippeee lol),n i voluntrly got in a sari n v strtd takin real crackd up picz (yes dodgy westside picz incldd).outta da blue vaish poppd by n joind in whch meant cute,ladylyk picz n den priti poppd by whch resultd in a lot of R18 tlk n picz!!bahaha way 2 funi man!all i need was devil,kat n dom ova 2 cmplte da nuttyness dat was goin on!den i kinda trippd up in da sari whle runnin/hobblin round outside in my jandals!!dat wsn't 2 funi,xcpt 4 da fact evry1 else thort so lol.nwyz most of da picz dat rn't 2 damagin 2 bebo hve been put up on my profile!hpeful a future groom dsn't c it!bhahaha

nwyz datz preti much all da intrstin fingz dat hve been goin on!nufin much else 2 report on!!if i've missd sumfing feel free 2 comment guyz!so 4m superSARI women:

"2 lankan,india..infinty n beyond" bahahaha :D

welcum 2 bumville

ello ello my fellow citizenz of bumville,hwz itz????lol

aitey..dat was my weirdness 4 da day i fink lol..buh srsly im a BUM,such a BUM.i've done nufing useful or remotely intelligent in a few wkz!!!itz soooo weird..buh xtrmly OSUM!!!!!! :D i neva culd understnd hw ppl culd jst sit round long enuf 2 actually get bored,da whle sittin round concept neva reali xistd in my wrld.it was alwyz wrk wrk wrk,skool skool skool,fam fam fam n sumwea in btwn all of dat i fittd in a few laughz n parties!eva since i'd finshd my last xam it was home,bedroom n bed 4 me!!!srsly,dur was a few dayz wen i ddn't even leave my room (xcpt 4 da essentials course lol)!!!i was such a bumming-round virgin dat i actually ddn't even knw hw 2 do it 4 da 1st couple of dayz!!hehe datz sooo true,i dn't care hw gumbi i sound!lol nwyz mving on 4m bumville, dur was a few dayz wea i actually pluckd up da courage 2 leave home (let alone my rm lol) n dis is wat i've been up 2:

*devil came home so i poppd by 2 continue our world domination plots (yes dis does invlve my nuke guyz slogan hehe).all in all v got nufing done..sat round n listend 2 music n swappd randum drukin stories!devil needz srs AA help bahahaha (along wif a few otherz i knw lol)
*dom,kat,mel,matt,devil n me had a pizza feast in albert park.dis was followd by asian ICE-cream(well it was shaved ice wif flavourin whch lukd lyk icecream lol),den obviously v had 2 finsh wif our fotopicz,wea i happnd 2 get chokd 2 death by my swt lil nangi kat!(fuk shez 1 dangerous chick!!!!)
*went 2 a lankan guy fawkez party..it was preti eventful!strtd wif da boiz thrwin lit firwrkz @ us whch da kid in frnt of me stood on!i grabbd her pushd theebz n thuli outta da way coz da stupid dickheadz proceedd 2 chuck mure @ us n pushd my way thru da crowd (total rugby stylz-hand out in defence n da gurl was my ball 2 protect lmfao) managin 2 save us 4m further burnz!whch ddn't last long coz da idiotz lit 1 firewrk close 2 da firewrk box n evryfing xplodd sendin sparkz evrywea.thuli was rite nxt 2 da other box whch was bout 2 ignite so i sprntd 2 her,grabbd her arm n proceed 2 yank her awy 4m it!she tld me she owes me 1 buh im hpin i neva hve 2 call dat near-death fav in!da eventful nite endd up wif a b-ball game,gurlz vs boiz.dam was dat 1 nasty game,lea n me wantd revenge 4 da firewrkz stpidity so boi o boi did v attack buh i endd up gettin taken out by lux (thuli'z bro) whch resultd in a chunk of my elbow bein gone!
*went 2 jay'z plce 2 ctch up wif da otherz n wtch mvies in his projector rm!did i mention dat dis guy is loadd 2 da core!!endd up wtchn a crck mvie coz jess got scard easily n jay refusd 2 even sit in da same house where a scry mvie was playin n cnsdrin it was his house v were outvoted!lol den v all endd up sittin round in da sun chattin!did i mention dat jay cookd up a feast whch i sadly culdn't eat much of coz i was vegie!!buh OMG,hez freakin amazin in da kitchen..v r plannin 2 bake a few fingz 2getha sumtym dis holz!wow,jst realisd hw gay dat soundd lmfao! :D
*lastly dom'z cya party was on fri.kat,mel,dom n me went out got mvies dat v wantd 2 c gain (transformerz,resident evil2 n stomp da yard),bought pizza n stockd up on junkfud n headd bck 2 katz.den v basically spnt da whle day in frnt of da tv wtchin da dvdz n piggin out,whle obviously hvin randum goss sessionz in da mid!it was osum 2 jst lax out wif dem, dur was no xpectations, no stress n dfntly no pressure 4 intelligence-->(ae dom bahaha)!dn't u jst luv dayz wen u get 2 hang out wif ur best m8z n jst b cmpltly blah,coz frnkly i live 4 thse dayz!!!!

datz preti much hw uneventful my lyf has been buh im finally relievd @ da lack of drama!!itz osum 2 jst not care bout much else den myslf,itz bout tym i realisd i cum 1st i fink (yes dharsi dat was an understatement!lol).OOOOO btw if u hvn't read da 2mo series by john marsden den u sOOOOOooo freakin shuld!yes evry1 im a nerd,buh im a dam proud 1!!!! :D

so 4m da land of bumville- Happy BUMMIN! :)

aiyooooooooooooooo

well im sittin in lvl3 lib rite nw...itz been my home 4 lyk da past month!!!no im not up here slpin n no dis is da 1st tym im doin my blog up here!lol i've been up here...w8 4 it,w8 4 it..ive been up here studyin!!no shit!!hnstly!!!:D fnshd my law xam last fri,dn't knw if dat went 2 gr8 buh i finshd soo im hapi!hpefully i made sense coz da lack of slp n last min crammin 4 it prbbly ddn't help!!!jst had info n accountin xam 2day!!!fuKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKFUKKKKKKKKKKFUKkkkkkkkkk is alll i can say!dam was i not prepared 4 dis day..freakin doomz day datz wat it was!!thort i was @least a lil prepared 4 accountin esp wif da whle actually stdyin fing!buh er,NOOOOO fuk no amount of stdyin,yup even da amount i did *whch was shit loadz* wuld hve helpd!!!!!i was actually mure prepared 4 info it seemz,@least i kinda knw sumfingz in dur!!buh yea bck 2 accountin i actually was preti close 2 tearz wen i opend da paper, i culdn't blieve wat an asshle our lec'r was bein!!fuk,i hnstly finkz he lykz seein us fail!coz dam did he totally mke dat paper impossible!!i stayd da whle 3hrz even thou i basically knw nufing n i filld out basically evryfing *wif lyk made up amountz n accountz*!!!im not kiddin,so pinkee n me decidd dat v wuld neva study gain after dat xam (coz she studied way mure den i did)!!lol lyk datz gona happen...v grabbd major chocl8 n icecream after dis whle shit day jst 2 drwn our sorrowz (da sober way is da rite way hehe)!!nwyz i got mgmnt on thurs den im done!!!!!!!! cn't w8!!!!!!!!!proper nitez slp here i cum, l8 mrningz slp inz here i cum,bed here i cum...er,nefing datz gotta do wif slp is wat da 1st wk is gona consist of!OOOOOO btw dadz bck 4m london bearing gifts n goss....seemz my crzy rntz r preti srs bout da whle proposal fing, i mean lyk srs as in buyin me sari'z, gettin my hairstyld n hvin my pic tken in a sari srs!!!fuk am i scard!w8,er da poor guyz r da 1z dat shuld b scared huh??lol seemz my rntz want me 2 move 2 london in2 my periappaz house n study dur!!aiyoooo aiyoooo y is it my movin planz n dur movin planz neva coordinate,i dn't wanna go nw buh if i dn't find me a summer job i mite b sent over!!!HELLLLLLPPPPP ME!!im not even kiddin,if i dn't go dis yr,im gettin sent dur nxt yr summer hols 2 get me engaged!!im all up 4 da idea of marriage trust me buh i dn't want sum randum i dnt knw puttin a ring on my finger!so guyz it seemz v hve a yr-ish 2 find me a suitable groom hu i culd convince my rntz 2 lyk n let me marry him!!!or n it wuld b an added bonus if i actuly lyk da guy 2 lol :D...bro,tlk bout bollywud mvie rite dur huh???lol @least summer hols is cumin up so hotties on da beach here v cum :D lol..nwyz i fink i've bummd enuf n im soooo freakin hungry,hvn't eaten nefing solid all day..alll sorrow-killer fud in me stomach!!!i hve no idea if dis post mkez ne sense or even if itz bout nefing!!!no slp mkez me dumb(er) i fink..so 4m da land-of-n0-nod gudbye